A couple of days ago I wrote about hosting a rather chaotic party “Surviving a Whirlpool”. The next day a wallet was missing which contained a lot of important info. After searching the house from top to bottom, I emailed those in attendance to ask if anyone had seen the wallet during the night and where I thought it had been located.
Most responded with beliefs of what could have happened to it based on what they remembered that night. It even escalated into stories about who would have had a motive to steal it and how it could have been done. Each story led me to a new place to look for the wallet so I spent most of the day searching. On the second day I started believing the story that it had been stolen which led to all kinds of mental images of the crime.
This morning it was found inside a shoe, nothing missing, just lying there waiting to be found. I guess how it got there really doesn’t matter and still remains a mystery.
This incident reminded me that in order to make sense of a mystery the mind forms beliefs, opinions and stories in an effort to understand and before you know it the beliefs become so strong they are perceived as reality. We all had created quite the drama around the missing wallet.
So now that we solved the mystery of the wallet, what happens to all the stories and beliefs about it that seemed so real? I guess when you find the Truth, you just have to forget about any stories or beliefs that got you there and let them go….
It’s been a long time since I have posted anything here. I know that I’m supposed to be a retired seeker but I fell off the wagon and have been obsessed with reading, listening to videos, seeking for something that is almost within my grasp. These spiritual binges usually start when I come across a spiritual teacher who resonates with me at this particular time and seems to be transmitting exactly what I need to hear. I keep reading and listening because the missing piece that I need to keep this spiritual light glowing might just be in the next book or video.
Most seekers know the old “I’ve had it – but can’t keep it” feeling so the goal is to find the missing piece of the puzzle that tells you how to keep it so there will be an end to seeking and living in a state of bliss will be your norm. That’s just it, seeking with a goal in mind….seeking with an urgency that something else is about to dawn and everything will be cleared up once and for all.
So after almost two months, I realize that the addicted seeker is still alive and active. The addicted seeker is always seeking a different experience than what is happening right now. Don’t get me wrong….I love seeking for Truth and love the way it makes me feel and experience life but now I can see the difference between an addicted seeker and a lover of Truth with more clarity.
The addicted seeker is driven by the desire to re-experience the pleasure achieved through a spiritual experience similar to any addict wanting to have another pleasurable experience. A lover of Truth is not driven to find some missing link that will keep the enlightened state active. A lover of Truth is not looking for anything…only experiencing.
“The experience of “I’ve got it and I lost it” is a very, very valuable experience for the spiritual seeker……..But after living this I-got-it-I-lost-it swing, eventually that me stops believing its own delusion. Something starts to see through it, recognizing that this isn’t freedom………Always waiting for the next experience is bondage.” ~ Adyashanti
There is a birdhouse on my patio that contained four baby sparrows. Three left the nest and I missed their exit. Now there is one all alone in the house and I’m determined to witness it leaving the nest.
The only way the loner knows there is something more outside is when it hears “The Call”. This Call is different from any other bird call in the yard and I can recognize it even if I’m away from the patio. The Call from the mother is relentless. She gives the Call and then goes to the opening to feed it and repeats this routine most of the day so that the Call will be associated with something wonderful coming from the outside. When the mother leaves for a while you can hear a faint calling coming from inside the box because now it’s known there is something wonderful outside of the box but the sparrow is not yet brave enough to venture out and find it.
This Call and response routine went on for two days. At one time there was a community of at least ten sparrows flying up to the birdhouse trying to coax it outside. I’m ready to give up myself but have invested so much time now I don’t want to miss the finale.
Today I saw it venture out of the box. The young sparrow poked its head out of the hole and then back in again several times. There were no other sparrows on the patio for guidance …the exit team had taken a break and everything was quiet. It looked out one more time but this time without any hesitation took a final leap, flew across the patio and into a nearby tree. I saw at least twenty sparrows fly out of the tree a few seconds later and together they all flew to the next tree. I couldn’t see the young sparrow in the distance but assume it is now flying in its new world outside the box.
Would the bird have taken the leap of faith without ever hearing the Call? Probably survival instincts would have eventually forced it out into the world but certainly it must be easier if the Call is heard and more importantly….if it is answered.
Thinking of the word and concept of freedom today. We fight for freedom and lives are lost for the sake of freedom. This holiday is all about our nation’s fight for freedom.
In my daily spiritual practice, the word freedom is used in almost everything I read or hear. Freedom from the bondage of the separate self, freedom from suffering, freedom from nagging useless thoughts.
The meaning of freedom is “not being confined, exempt from external control or release from bondage“. So the battle for freedom can be fought on two levels. What is obvious is the battle for freedom in the external world. Not so obvious is the internal battle that might be going on for many….except for those who are now engaged in or have been engaged in this battle.
I never really thought of it as a battle since spirituality is all about non-violence even though most spiritual writings use the metaphor of a battle to bring home the point. The point being, if you really want freedom be prepared to give it your all and be brave because in the end you realize that the biggest battle of all …..is being able to surrender.
I started this blog when I began the process of retiring from the search and I have to admit that over the last year there has still been more seeking than non-seeking going on. Nonduality has been my focus and naturally coming out of that is a different kind of seeking, the seeking of direct experience or direct inquiry.
I still hold the assumption that there is someone in here experiencing things and people out there. I have accomplished being the witness of thoughts and things (most of the time) but now what is behind the witness has been my question. Direct experience may be what will eventually replace the witness but letting the witness go is difficult and requires a shift in perception.
This shift in perception reminds me of illusionary art called stereograms where a 3D image is hidden within a drawing and you can only see the hidden image if you learn to re-focus your gaze. When you finally see it, it magically appears out of nothing. Most instructions tell you not to focus on the picture but fix your gaze beyond it. I was never good at finding the hidden images.
I recently reintroduced myself to the teachings of Francis Lucille which led me to again consider the Direct Path experiments by Greg Goode. Maybe the timing is right to get down to some serious direct experience investigation so a few days ago I started the experiments which seem to be similar to learning to look through the illusion and see the hidden images.
The first experiment in the Direct Path involves the perception of hearing because it’s supposed to be the easiest. During the experiment of ringing a bell, at first the sound still seems to be coming from the object of the bell and I can’t get past that. Looking closer…since I am to use only the sense of hearing I just hear the sound without the interpreter telling me that the sound is coming from a bell. Maybe that’s it…my direct experience is that hearing is just happening with or without the use of an interpreter.
One experiment down and 39 more to go….This could be intense but I’ll keep you posted. If there is anyone else out there who has already been on this part of journey and the hidden image in the picture has appeared, please let me know.
There’s supposed to be a shark hidden in here somewhere…I can’t see it yet.
Photo Credit: Wikipedia
I always think of the women who are not mothers on Mother’s Day. I was not a mother until I was 41 years old so I spent many a Mother’s Day helping others celebrate their motherhood.
Not having children didn’t bother me in my 20s, no need to hurry although some of my friends were beginning to join the motherhood group. In my late 30s I began to realize that I may go through my life without children. I was once told that having children was a blessing and not having children was to live by grace. I didn’t understand that at the time and thought it was an attempt to make me feel better about my perceived lack caused by not being a mother.
Having experienced both being a mother and many years not being a mother, I can say that motherhood may be a more direct path to realizing unconditional love. I was always searching for unconditional love and thought I’d experienced it a few times but now it’s evident that I didn’t have to search for it, it was given to me. Whether you are a mother or not, unconditional love is a gift. You don’t need to search for it because it’s magically there at any time…..waiting to be accepted as a gift.
Why do bad things happen to good people is a question that generates a variety of concepts each constructing a solution to the fairness of life dilemma and how judgments of good and bad are to be made. When circumstances are examined closely there seems to be no direct evidence that there is a method of fairness existing here. It certainly isn’t very comforting to maintain that stuff just happens, that there is no system of justice operating and we are all just here until we’re not.
Strange as it seems, this question arises for me when I look at a windshield splattered with remnants of what used to be a bug. The bug was just flying along enjoying the day, not a care in the world and then in the blink of an eye it’s just bug juice on a windshield. We think nothing of it, it just happened and that’s a bug’s life…. no plan, no justice, just happening, nothing personal about the bug’s life.
Of course, it appears that a human life is much more personal than a bug’s life because we’re so entwined with complex characteristics, memories and relationships. I like the idea that my life is personal and important with purpose and would like to hold on to that idea. However, nothing really makes sense to me except that the bug’s life is no less or no more important to the Absolute than my life….it’s really nothing personal….
This summer I started drafting a chronological account of my spiritual journey. Being a lifetime seeker, I wanted to see any common threads connecting the different paths that have been pursued.
Just last week, I decided to edit my story again with the intention of adding it to this blog as a separate Page tab. I had reviewed it numerous times but this time I finally see the result of my reflections.
My journey started with my first spiritual experience around 10 years old which was significant enough to ignite the longing to pursue several teachers, books, religions, and methods to find the Truth.
What has just occurred to me is that the first spiritual experience that I keep using as a guidepost was obtained without the use of teachers, meditation, classes, reading more books, or higher knowledge. It just happened…before I knew of any outside concepts or ideas…it came from within without any interference.
I have intellectually understood all this and spouted the language of the looking within concepts over the years but always felt there was something else I needed to get.
How is it that “I” have known this for so many years and just now may be “getting it”? My first glimpse was from direct experience…..which is available at any age and requires no prerequisites.
This morning I read an article posted by Science and Nonduality, “Stop Trying to Solve Problems” by David Rock who has been researching what happens during the “moment ” of insight. Neuroscientists have found that complex problems are usually solved during the brain’s “downtime” not during vigorous activity. My own experience confirms that when I stop thinking about a problem for even a few minutes, consciousness continues to sort out data without my interference and suddenly the solution comes to light.
A constant thread in nonduality literature is that the mind is not the tool for perceiving the Absolute reality.
I agree that searching for Truth with the mind can be fun, interesting and exciting because of never ending concepts to explore. But maybe the Absolute reality is not to be explored anywhere but is always here waiting for the mind’s “downtime” in order to be discovered. If the answer is always here…where am I?
I recently went through some old spiritual books and found a small dog-eared booklet of daily meditations by Roy Eugene Davis, a disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda. Today I have a different understanding of the words than I did twenty years ago. Something has changed and I understand it differently.
Here’s an excerpt of one of the daily meditations:
“It is a mistake to believe in two powers, a good force and an evil force. There is only one Power in the universe but, because of its expression as differing frequencies, man often tends to believe in a power in opposition to God……Seen from the overview, the one Power is doing what It has always intended to do……” ~Roy Eugene Davis
Over the last twenty years I held the belief that I existed as a separate part of that one Power and read the above with an understanding similar to a child/parent relationship, being part of something but still separate. That seemed perfectly logical and comforting to me until this summer.
I had been reading modern nonduality authors and then stumbled upon Liberation Unleashed, a site where guides lead willing people to realize there is no personal “me” or “I”. They are relentless in their mission to dissolve the concept of a separate self. I haven’t joined this group but reading the journey of others created a shift in perception that cannot be undone now.
For me it has helped to change the language that I used in the past. I notice that whenever God is used as in the excerpt above, I fall back into the perception of me being a fragment of something bigger. When I use the word One or Absolute, I don’t hold on to that separation concept.
I thought I was comfortable as a separate self seeking to unite with a vast one Power….Now there is no Power to look “up” to or “find”….I am that Power.
I guess I’ll never read my old favorite spiritual books in the same way again. Nonduality…where are you taking “me”?