I sometimes do a Vision Board Collage or Treasure Map for the New Year instead of just a list of goals. Last year I made two Vision Boards. They were somewhat different but on both I had drawn a tree with leaves pointed upward with sparks shooting out.
Throughout the year I would look at the boards and wonder what was significant about that tree. A few months ago the story of the burning bush came to mind and since I’m not familiar with the Bible, I googled the symbol of the burning bush, read a little about it and then forgot about it until today.
Reading something spiritual first thing in the morning is my routine. While reading this morning my mind was wandering thinking about doing a Vision Board this year and then thought of my burning bush drawing again. My mind went back to reading my book, I turned the page on my Kindle and couldn’t believe the next thing I read…..
“Do you want to have an epiphany? Do you want to stand in front of the burning bush? Here’s my burning bush…..” I love these moments of synchronicity and know it must be important to be so obvious.
Before these words, the author was talking about clearing your mind to order to be able to follow the voice or intuition. That’s when it all came together for me. In the story the burning bush was the voice of God talking to Moses. Moses didn’t want to listen, seemed crazy to listen to a voice coming out of a bush. He resisted several times but eventually listened to the voice and things did work out in the end.
If I take this as a message for me it would be to skip the same list of goals and resolutions I have every year, try to listen to my higher power and at the very least develop a better connection so that the voice becomes clearer.
It’s been two months since I have posted anything here. I have had several insights that I considered sharing during that time but didn’t take the time to sit down and write. These ideas or insights come like flashes out of nowhere and if I sit down immediately and write…a blog is created. However, most of the time when the flash comes I am involved doing other things and rather than stop what I’m doing I’ll make a mental note that I will write about this very good insight later. I’ve given up trying to figure out where glimpses of insight come from but I know they come as “flashes” while in the present moment.
The problem is that these flashes happen while you’re in the present moment and if they are not written down right away the insight vanishes into the land of past memories. The space where past memories dwell is not suitable ground for a flash insight because it can get absorbed in concepts and filters that were not there during the initial flash.
I saw a poster on Facebook this week that said “Here we go again with that New Year – New You Bullshit”. I laughed out loud because every year I look forward to the prospect of creating a new me…or my idea of me. After all if “I” am an illusion, “I” should be possible to recreate, redesign and manifest things in my life according to my desires just as I would in a dream.
For five years I published a journal/calendar based on the notion that the new moon each month is the best time to recreate and redesign your life. It was like having a new year – new you possibility each month. I always had the same list of desires every month….a few things came about but for the most part the manifesting thing wasn’t working for me.
The illusionary “I” doesn’t change so easily being crusted with long forgotten past conditionings. What has changed is the awareness that “I” am not running the show.
Now it’s time for a new year and since I’m a sucker for new beginnings I’ll make my list of what I want to accomplish this year…..and hope that whoever is running the show is paying attention.
Still thinking about yesterday’s post on what is important and being able to build your life around the answer. I said “my spirituality is most important….my relationship to spirit trumps all other relationships.”
I didn’t realize that until I typed it. Now I’m wondering about the choice of the word “Spirit”. The word comes from Latin meaning “breath”. Breath is certainly our invisible source of aliveness.
How can you have a relationship with aliveness? All religions and spiritual teachers mention an invisible unknown mystery to life and give it some sort of name. We all know that the names are endless for that which cannot be named. I guess Aliveness is as good a name as any, it doesn’t make your mind wrap around an object or make it personal.
It seems the only way I can have a meaningful relationship with Aliveness is to treat it like any other relationship that is important to me. Be attentive, listen, nurture it, don’t ignore it because of the constant bombardment of thoughts, appreciate it…..love it.
I was vacuuming my bedroom, pulled out the bed stand and noticed a dark spot on the carpet. Since I have a new puppy I went about my clean up routine, got the cleaner and rag and started scrubbing. I did quite a bit of scrubbing and the spot would not come out of the carpet. I looked up to the top of the bed stand and realized that the spot I had been scrubbing was the shadow of an object on the table! It was the shadow of a fly swatter! How crazy is that?
I wouldn’t admit to this except that my immediate reaction was laughter and the old tale of the rope being mistaken for a snake went through my mind. But then looking deeper, I wondered how many other situations/objects do I mistake for reality? For those few moments I was convinced I knew the reality of my purpose ….to clean the spot obviously made by the puppy. When in reality all I had to do was remove the object producing the shadow and my problem was eliminated. I wish I could remember that seeking the Truth is just as easy…..
Filed under Absolute, Direct Experience, Enlightenment, Mind, Nonduality, Reality, Seeker, Self Identity, Self Realization, Shadow, Spirituality, Truth, Uncategorized
Every year I host our family Christmas party. We have a large family with over 35 people attending bringing food and presents. I have hosted and attended many gatherings of that size and if planned correctly they can result in some sort of organized chaos. Not this event…no matter how much I plan, it seems to end up being a totally “unorganized” chaos. I don’t know if this comes from one of my control issues or if it’s just the dynamics of this particular group. Since most seem to enjoy themselves I’m assuming it is likely my perception of unorganized chaos.
I try to prepare myself for dealing with the chaos and see it as a test of my centering practice. All I have to do is find my center and enjoy the show….but this never happens, not even for a moment. Most of the year I spend time in self realization, self inquiry, meditation and other various spiritual practices…so what good is it if it can all be erased in four hours?
It’s as if I have forgotten everything and am totally immersed in a whirlpool of activity that leaves me exhausted and wondering what exactly happened. What to do when caught in a whirlpool? I know nothing of whirlpools but after a little investigation it seems they are unavoidable if you’re following the flow of the river. The best you can do is to just deal with it for a while and then it releases you back into the flow. Doesn’t do much good to plan for it….
“Managing Whirlpools” by Ken Whiting (World Champion Kayaker)
“In many cases whirlpools can be totally unpredictable and pop up in front of you unexpectedly. Fortunately there is a way of dealing with them if you can’t miss them. You can actually enter the whirlpool and use its energy to your advantage to get through it……If you fight the whirlpool’s current, you’ll get sucked into its maw……unfortunately the only way to really develop your comfort level with whirlpools is to play around in them.”
Modified excerpt from “The Ultimate Guide to Whitewater Kayaking”
I usually don’t have a particular intention during meditation but today I had the intention to understand my next step in this spiritual journey. I feel like I’m jumping around again between different teachers seeing the sameness in all their teachings. I put out this intention…didn’t get an answer so I quit meditating early with a bit of an attitude. The attitude was one of feeling discouraged wondering if I will ever be content to just “be”.
I sporadically keep a journal. I picked it up and read about a dream I had almost exactly a year ago to the day. I was trying to find a connection at a train station. I was running around trying to find the next train, up and down stairs, in elevators and then a man appears in a chair with wheels and says he knows the way and to hop in. It was uncomfortable fitting in the chair with him at first but I got settled in and we flew through the station quickly. I remember the relieve of giving up looking on my own and letting him navigate. I don’t remember if we made it because the next thing I remember is looking at him from a distance and he was eating chocolates not worrying about catching the train at all. Then I started judging whether he was the right one to lead me after all and the anxiety started again.
Well, here I am a year later still looking for the next train. But now I finally realize why I never want to stop seeking or looking for the next train. If I stop seeking I’m afraid of going back to sleep again and living my little mechanical life outside of awareness.
My spiritual life has always been a priority for me and I try to keep it strong because my little life has never seemed as important to me as my spiritual life. It came to me that I need to switch that notion and make my little life a priority because that is what is..right now. It’s not attached to the next teacher or to the cushion. This is one of the common threads in most teachings but now I may be actually getting it.
I’ll have to remind myself (probably often) that the fear of going backward and living that mechanical life outside of awareness is not possible because my hope is that once it’s seen… it cannot be unseen. My next step is to realize that my little life is what is important….living it within awareness is the practice.
I guess maybe having an intention during meditation is a good thing after all.
I walked a large outside labyrinth this weekend. I had never walked an outside labyrinth nor one this large. I was the only one walking so I walked a moderate pace and it took 45 minutes. It was in an open field with a narrow uneven mowed down path in grass and wildflowers that were knee-high. At the beginning I was thinking of the history of the labyrinth dating back to 4500 BC showing up in every culture around the world and the mystery of it all.
Then I started thinking about the correct “procedure” of walking the labyrinth, was I walking too fast, too slow, this is walking meditation, I need to stop thinking so much, how much longer until I reach the center? All the same things that happen during regular meditation. After about ten minutes this mental activity slowed down and I began to notice how many crickets there were on the path, and butterflies and all the different kinds of flowers.
Then I became interested in my destination and started looking ahead trying to see the center but I couldn’t tell where it was because of the tall grass. I could only see about four feet in front of me…I couldn’t look ahead.. all I could do was follow the path because I knew it would lead to the center eventually. When I got to the center I thought maybe there would be something there to symbolize the end of the journey, even just a candle or something….there was nothing. I stood there for a moment but didn’t have the desire to stay for any long length of time contemplating so I headed out on the same path out of the center.
I noticed that the walk out of the center was a little faster pace and easier for some reason. I hadn’t noticed earlier that the walk into the center seemed harder and longer but now noticed that walking in the uneven terrain was much easier. I stopped and looked back at the center a couple of times but again I couldn’t see it when I looked back. Then all of a sudden the path opened up and I was done. That was definitely meditation in motion…..
The Witness has been my identity for the last several years. When I became aware of her I grasped her like a long lost friend and she has been with me ever since. She could be watchful of thoughts, people and things from a distance staying disconnected..being a spectator. I was quite proud and happy that I had her…seeing this as an advancement of my spiritual growth.
It is with regret that I have come to realize that she came just to take over the role of my previous identity. Although she has helped me make great strides in self realization, she has now made me aware that she too represents a separate self and needs to go. She has been a true friend and guide and I don’t want to let her go….maybe I’ll just call on her when needed rather than cutting it off completely…hard to say goodbye.
It’s been a long time since I have posted anything here. I know that I’m supposed to be a retired seeker but I fell off the wagon and have been obsessed with reading, listening to videos, seeking for something that is almost within my grasp. These spiritual binges usually start when I come across a spiritual teacher who resonates with me at this particular time and seems to be transmitting exactly what I need to hear. I keep reading and listening because the missing piece that I need to keep this spiritual light glowing might just be in the next book or video.
Most seekers know the old “I’ve had it – but can’t keep it” feeling so the goal is to find the missing piece of the puzzle that tells you how to keep it so there will be an end to seeking and living in a state of bliss will be your norm. That’s just it, seeking with a goal in mind….seeking with an urgency that something else is about to dawn and everything will be cleared up once and for all.
So after almost two months, I realize that the addicted seeker is still alive and active. The addicted seeker is always seeking a different experience than what is happening right now. Don’t get me wrong….I love seeking for Truth and love the way it makes me feel and experience life but now I can see the difference between an addicted seeker and a lover of Truth with more clarity.
The addicted seeker is driven by the desire to re-experience the pleasure achieved through a spiritual experience similar to any addict wanting to have another pleasurable experience. A lover of Truth is not driven to find some missing link that will keep the enlightened state active. A lover of Truth is not looking for anything…only experiencing.
“The experience of “I’ve got it and I lost it” is a very, very valuable experience for the spiritual seeker……..But after living this I-got-it-I-lost-it swing, eventually that me stops believing its own delusion. Something starts to see through it, recognizing that this isn’t freedom………Always waiting for the next experience is bondage.” ~ Adyashanti