This morning there was a broad-winged hawk sitting on the back fence. I kept an eye on him while I was busy in the kitchen and after an hour realized he must be patiently waiting for the little chipmunk that travels back and forth from the shed to the bird feeders.
Yesterday two bloggers I follow had written on the art of waiting, “The Path of Waiting” and “Relaxed Resistance” so I was already contemplating the practice of mindful waiting. Now here I am watching the patience of the hunter in action. The only movement was the turning of his head almost in a complete circle. I noticed there were no birds at the feeders, there were no small critters running around, all probably waiting for him to leave. Two hours went by, he had not moved and continued to wait.
I became interested in what type of hawk this was, so I called up my bird app and stood at the window with binoculars identifying markings, reading about its habits and what it eats. When I glanced down at my tablet, I heard a thump, looked up and saw a red cardinal hit the window. Coming up behind the cardinal was the hawk showing a huge wing span and within two feet of me grabbed it with both feet and flew off. He carried it to the fence, landed for a moment, then took off into the woods.
A two-hour wait would have seemed excessive to me but I’m sure the hawk didn’t have to worry about keeping a clear mind, being anxious with anticipation or have any impatient thoughts about when this would be over ….all he had to do was wait.
I had just watched the master of waiting, the champion of patience and his reward….but my heart went out to the cardinal.
I recently commented to a couple bloggers on the subject of thoughts which made me realize how my own understanding of thoughts has changed over the years. I commented that thoughts are also “That” and when I begin to analyze them or try to control them…I am creating a separation.
The study of thoughts has always been of interest and a large part of my seeking to include analyzing them which is never ending and controlling them which is frustrating. I thought I had it when I discovered that I could be the “witness” observing my thoughts…there it was…I was not my thoughts and didn’t have to take responsibility for them, just watch them go by like clouds in the sky.
Now I am realizing that the notion of “I am not my thoughts” is also separation. I have to admit that seeing the clarity of “thoughts are also That” doesn’t give me a sense of freedom yet but is still a work in progress. However, there is a sense of relief that comes from not always analyzing where thoughts come from and wondering why they can be so annoying….. but that they are just as much a part of me as my breath or my heartbeat.
I’ll probably always be interested in thoughts and will continue to watch and get involved with them but now they are considered to be who I am and I’m not struggling so much with them. Now maybe I can see life through my thoughts rather than perceive life as my thoughts.
Why do bad things happen to good people is a question that generates a variety of concepts each constructing a solution to the fairness of life dilemma and how judgments of good and bad are to be made. When circumstances are examined closely there seems to be no direct evidence that there is a method of fairness existing here. It certainly isn’t very comforting to maintain that stuff just happens, that there is no system of justice operating and we are all just here until we’re not.
Strange as it seems, this question arises for me when I look at a windshield splattered with remnants of what used to be a bug. The bug was just flying along enjoying the day, not a care in the world and then in the blink of an eye it’s just bug juice on a windshield. We think nothing of it, it just happened and that’s a bug’s life…. no plan, no justice, just happening, nothing personal about the bug’s life.
Of course, it appears that a human life is much more personal than a bug’s life because we’re so entwined with complex characteristics, memories and relationships. I like the idea that my life is personal and important with purpose and would like to hold on to that idea. However, nothing really makes sense to me except that the bug’s life is no less or no more important to the Absolute than my life….it’s really nothing personal….
This summer I started drafting a chronological account of my spiritual journey. Being a lifetime seeker, I wanted to see any common threads connecting the different paths that have been pursued.
Just last week, I decided to edit my story again with the intention of adding it to this blog as a separate Page tab. I had reviewed it numerous times but this time I finally see the result of my reflections.
My journey started with my first spiritual experience around 10 years old which was significant enough to ignite the longing to pursue several teachers, books, religions, and methods to find the Truth.
What has just occurred to me is that the first spiritual experience that I keep using as a guidepost was obtained without the use of teachers, meditation, classes, reading more books, or higher knowledge. It just happened…before I knew of any outside concepts or ideas…it came from within without any interference.
I have intellectually understood all this and spouted the language of the looking within concepts over the years but always felt there was something else I needed to get.
How is it that “I” have known this for so many years and just now may be “getting it”? My first glimpse was from direct experience…..which is available at any age and requires no prerequisites.