For those of us who are seekers or ex-seekers, the word Home is one of those words used in an effort to relate a state of Being. I’ve looked up the definition of Home and some I liked were:
- A place where one dwells permanently.
- Social unit formed by a family living together.
- An environment offering affection and security.
Our physical home may or may not fit those definitions but almost everyone has their own concept of the word Home. I like the last word of the first definition…”permanently”. In a world of impermanence, we could use the word Home interchangeably with the Absolute (where one dwells permanently). You are already Home…it’s not about how to get there, not about waiting for it to open its doors and welcome you in.
The word homesick is defined as “sad or depressed from a longing for home while away from it for a long time”. When we are not present, we all suffer from homesickness which can manifest in many forms with the symptoms and cures being discussed and analyzed endlessly.
I’ve read that your physical home is a reflection of your inner home. Now that’s an interesting concept. Is it aesthetically appealing, is it secure, is it chaotic, does it need attention, is it in need of repair? If it is perfect in every way, are you content?
“Home is where the heart is”. The earliest author given credit for that quote is Pliny the Elder AD 23-79. I guess none of this is exactly a new concept.
I’ve been a pray-er for as long as I can remember. As soon as I became aware that there was a power in charge and there was a possibility of a direct line to that power, I was all in.
Who I pray to and how I pray has taken different forms throughout the years depending on the spiritual practice I was involved in at the time. I’ve gone from simple praying to a personal God figure for help to a more cerebral kind of praying to a scientific quantum level of connectedness.
Praying to myself seemed strange so I used the mantra “Om Namah Shivaya” during meditation which means I honor the divinity within myself. However, that also plays to the illusion of calling forth something for guidance and help that is hiding out someplace waiting for permission to show up. Now that I’m drawn to nonduality…who am I praying to?
Even tho prayer is not a major part of my life like it once was, I still like the connectedness and need to stop analyzing it and just enjoy the silent conversation….with whatever it is….
I never understood the Christian idea of original sin and the concept that we are all sinners until I heard a theology professor interpret sin as simply a pulling away from God. Through our human conditioning, we perceive ourselves as separate individuals and lose touch with our connection to Oneness which causes suffering.
To use the much over-used metaphor of the wave and the ocean, we could say that when we are only aware of being the wave, that could be interpreted as living in sin. When we are aware that we are the entire ocean perceiving ourselves as the wave, we are saved.
For the last few weeks I have not been able to do some of my regular spiritual practices or reading and find that I feel more like an isolated wave than the ocean. Things don’t seem quite right. I’m aware that my thinking is different, my body feels more tense, my mind works overtime and my peace is fading.
Does it take constant vigilance and effort to ride the wave and enjoy the ride? At some point shouldn’t the ride become effortless?
The definition of sin is a transgression or violation of divine law. The story goes that we are all born with original sin, there is no escape unless we receive the holy spirit (or whatever the tide-turning event may be).
As a seeker I guess I have been looking for the holy spirit in one form or another….calling it many names. Maybe the answer is just to accept that the nature of a wave is to appear to be separate from the ocean on the surface….underneath there is no difference.
Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. I see myself as a spiritual person, a seeker possessing some clarity and think I have life in perspective. All this is easy and flowing when my life is easy and flowing. It’s when life brings me difficult situations that I pull out all of the tricks in my “awareness/enlightenment bag”.
I’m in a difficult situation now caring for a parent and all thoughts unpleasant are arising from the past. I want to be the spiritual me and see the situation as growth, a challenge, opportunity, practice, learning compassion, staying with the here and now, integrating the past, acceptance, what is. All the words and concepts help when I’m away from the situation but when I am immersed in it….they are not to be found. Emotions are set in the default mode and don’t respond to reason.
During these times I want to whip out my bag of tricks to help get to a place of peace and clarity. I need to meditate, I need to do more yoga, I need to drink alkaline water, I need to eat more organic foods, I need to stay in the here and now, the past does not define me….anything to help.
Maybe the conditionings of the past will never leave…maybe this is who I really am…and the spiritual me is the illusion. These are the thoughts that scare me the most.
I recently commented to a couple bloggers on the subject of thoughts which made me realize how my own understanding of thoughts has changed over the years. I commented that thoughts are also “That” and when I begin to analyze them or try to control them…I am creating a separation.
The study of thoughts has always been of interest and a large part of my seeking to include analyzing them which is never ending and controlling them which is frustrating. I thought I had it when I discovered that I could be the “witness” observing my thoughts…there it was…I was not my thoughts and didn’t have to take responsibility for them, just watch them go by like clouds in the sky.
Now I am realizing that the notion of “I am not my thoughts” is also separation. I have to admit that seeing the clarity of “thoughts are also That” doesn’t give me a sense of freedom yet but is still a work in progress. However, there is a sense of relief that comes from not always analyzing where thoughts come from and wondering why they can be so annoying….. but that they are just as much a part of me as my breath or my heartbeat.
I’ll probably always be interested in thoughts and will continue to watch and get involved with them but now they are considered to be who I am and I’m not struggling so much with them. Now maybe I can see life through my thoughts rather than perceive life as my thoughts.
Why do bad things happen to good people is a question that generates a variety of concepts each constructing a solution to the fairness of life dilemma and how judgments of good and bad are to be made. When circumstances are examined closely there seems to be no direct evidence that there is a method of fairness existing here. It certainly isn’t very comforting to maintain that stuff just happens, that there is no system of justice operating and we are all just here until we’re not.
Strange as it seems, this question arises for me when I look at a windshield splattered with remnants of what used to be a bug. The bug was just flying along enjoying the day, not a care in the world and then in the blink of an eye it’s just bug juice on a windshield. We think nothing of it, it just happened and that’s a bug’s life…. no plan, no justice, just happening, nothing personal about the bug’s life.
Of course, it appears that a human life is much more personal than a bug’s life because we’re so entwined with complex characteristics, memories and relationships. I like the idea that my life is personal and important with purpose and would like to hold on to that idea. However, nothing really makes sense to me except that the bug’s life is no less or no more important to the Absolute than my life….it’s really nothing personal….
This summer I started drafting a chronological account of my spiritual journey. Being a lifetime seeker, I wanted to see any common threads connecting the different paths that have been pursued.
Just last week, I decided to edit my story again with the intention of adding it to this blog as a separate Page tab. I had reviewed it numerous times but this time I finally see the result of my reflections.
My journey started with my first spiritual experience around 10 years old which was significant enough to ignite the longing to pursue several teachers, books, religions, and methods to find the Truth.
What has just occurred to me is that the first spiritual experience that I keep using as a guidepost was obtained without the use of teachers, meditation, classes, reading more books, or higher knowledge. It just happened…before I knew of any outside concepts or ideas…it came from within without any interference.
I have intellectually understood all this and spouted the language of the looking within concepts over the years but always felt there was something else I needed to get.
How is it that “I” have known this for so many years and just now may be “getting it”? My first glimpse was from direct experience…..which is available at any age and requires no prerequisites.